Defying Gravity.... 2009 -> 2010

Am back to blog about the year past and the year forward. Been thinking about and around this post a bit.

In a blog, you tend to be careful with your words, sound appropriately humble and optimistic. As of now, this is an audience-free blog. I guess, I might as well go ahead and jot down the twirly things in my head as they twirl! Optimism be damned!

So, the typical way to approach the year end blogs, I suppose, is to write up the good things, the bad and hopes for the future. True to form, it is taking a lot of effort to think of the good things. And I realize that what I recall as good has a tint of sad to it. On the same lines - perhaps whats not so great also has a tint of good ( not that I can spot it in the long shadows cast ).

Recession loomed large early in the year and I desperately wanted out of the then current team. Some tears, prayers and effort later I moved to oss. It was a good thing. Began with a blockbuster policy launch - a job well done but not as completely as I would like. This was almost mid year when it happened. Interesting insights into gravity again - ability to scale not being a strong point.

Niece 2 was born. Saw her actually drop into the world. A speechless and numbing experience. I still don't know what to make of what I felt. Then I saw her gender and remember the nervousness I felt about what the in-laws would say and so on. So birth tinged with social anxieties. Then came the care-giving. Daily supply of food to the sister - in the face of the mom-freeze. Then the eruption of jealousy from mom - when she saw that her stint in hospital for niece 1 was laced with familial neglect.

Bitter taste in the mouth - the whole episode. Saw sis grit her teeth and complete her due stay and run as soon as possible. Bitter bitter bitter.

Work wise, then started the lull - the inability to take off, think big, start projects. Gravity. Saw what team I was a part of - and that set me deeper in stone - immobile.

Personal front has also been a lull - status quo. Disenchantment with the Mother - constant reminders of the gifts from the womb. The glorification of mediocrity. Gravity.

Disenchantment with VJ - a long standing friendship that just lost some sheen over the year.

And so much illness around. Aged by a year. Mortal and vulnerable.

Nothing specific to write home about except for a plus year. Many resolutions made and promptly forgotten.

Infuriating lethargy - mental and physical. The gravity of justification. Cocooned in comfort zones. Explaining away to self. Dull aches, pain in the head. Gathering moss.

The recent part of the year has been bad. Work has been hell - what with being exposed to manic bouts of managers, weirdness of colleagues - first time in all work life.

So much of illness and death around.

A deep sense of loneliness, a desire for a deep bond of friendship has been gnawing away at me.

The one thing that keeps cropping up is - GRAVITY.

I remember a friend from another lifetime saying that a person should have "the wings of an eagle and the roots of a tree" or some such. That phrase creates a mental image of status quo and tearing insides.

My prayer and wish for myself is - to un-root myself and defy gravity.

Christmas and holidays.... & condolences

Merry X'Mas World.

Its been a great break from work. I am already in my 7th day of vacation today and have another 9 days to go. Me purrrrrrrrrring with pleasure every now and then.

I guess I will be back with a year gone by post sometime next week - the highs, the lows.

But the past couple of months haven't been great...and X'mas began on a sad note last evening.

Wanted to say a prayer for Inder uncle who passed on yesterday after a 10 month battle with cancer. My prayers and condolences for the family - especially S aunty.

I have always known him as S aunty's husband. A very dashing and smart man - who had charmed aunty in a whirlwind romance and quick wedding 40 years ago!

Aunty loves him deeply and completely. Through their ups and downs as a family, the love has been intact. I can feel it in her words and saw it in their togetherness. And that speaks a lot for uncle.

I think the world of aunty and she thought the world of him. Frankly, just that puts him right up there in my books.

He was a retired officer from the army and still led a very active life working for a company till he fell ill. He was a brave man who fought the brutal onslaught of cancer with the even more brutal sessions of chemotherapy.

Y and I met them at their home when uncle was back after one of the earlier stints at the hospital - on Ganesha pooja day. Uncle and aunty were watching a movie and relaxed at home. We gave them home-made kadabu and chatted for a while.

My last mental images of uncle is will be of that evening and of him on the night of K's wedding reception.

I will remember uncle always as a strong, dignified and gracious man. Rest in peace, uncle.

PS: Lotsa cancer around. Y's dad's been diagnosed too. As I keep talking and listening, almost every family has an incident. Sigh.

Touch or Click and increase font size.

From the time I have started using the iPhone, my reading on my mobile has increased. In fact, over the weekends, I dont even take the trouble of opening my laptop at all for my casual reading and surfing.

One absolutely cool feature is the ability to increase font size or maximize the frame which is being read with a finger touch.

I am so spoilt by the feature that I have started wishing for the same in my browser on the laptop - IE or firefox anyone...

Sigh.

Maggi Stories

Apparently, Maggi noodles has been around in India for 25 years now! Really? Has it been so long now? I still remember listening to the jingle "maggi maggi!" Wow! There have been many other instant noodles but none that came close to denting Maggi's brand. Top Ramen was close - but I guess it never displaced Maggi.

They have come out with this cute series of adverts about people's Maggi stories. It got Y and me thinking...

My maggi story has been a non-story, actually. :) Mum never liked Maggi. And I distinctly remember her making/flopping maggi once in Osborne road apartments ( wow that was when I was pre-13 ! Its really 25 years now! ). And she never made it again.

Over the years, I discovered and really loved eating noodles. My freind Rosh's mum would make excellent Chinese style noodles with Keema, veggies etc. So I embarked upon the Chinese 'ishtyle" in my noodles journey.

But I DO have my Maggi story - but its rather recent. Its all the absolutely yummy combinations Y conjures up when I am too lazy to cook and we still need to eat. It helped that Maggi kept up with the times - offering whole wheat options. Otherwise Y would have steered clear of the noodles.

Maggi has helped us have many a tasty tangy piping hot one-meal dinners. With lots of added veggies, tomatoes and chillies. Yum-yumma-yum-yum!

Happy 25 years Maggi in India - and many more too! :)

Happy Birthday Samyu!

Today is my little niece's birthday! Not so little - she is a little lady of 6 years today!

Time flies. I still remember when I first laid my eyes on her - about 6 hours or so after she was born. I will never ever forget how I felt when I saw that little bundle of life fast asleep with her, nose slightly twitching held up by my mother. All those phrases - "Weak in the knees", "Maternal instinct", "family bonds", "blood ties" - all of it completely made sense and applied to me.

Tears of love, joy and gratitude just flowed down my eyes. I remember being so grateful to have experienced these feelings!

Oh, I love her so so so much. Words cant begin to express what I feel for my niece. And today she is 6 years old! On her way to her 1st standard / 1st grade! :)

Happy Birthday, Samyu Mari! :))

Daniel Suarez's Daemon.

Ever since I heard a Google Author's Talk by Daniel Suarez on YouTube, I have been dying to read the novel-Daemon. First of all, it's not available in India. None of the book shops have it in Bangalore. They offer to get you a copy - if you order for one, pay an advance and wait for 10 days. And after all this, the cost of the works out to be 1.5 times the price.

So, I resigned myself to wait for the book to get really famous and land in Bangalore in paperback version when Y decided to delight me and bought the through a friend who visited US. A gift! :) (I know, I know. Y is a gem and all! Can't love him enough:) )

I finished the book within the day he gifted it to me.

It is an un-put-down-able book. Very well written and believable. Scary but believable. The details related to technology are described so well. I have never ever read any book thats gotten technology so right. Hell, this must be the first!

Its a great book and must read. The rest of the reviews and 'about' the book is here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemon_(novel)

I tend to think of myself as the perfect listener. Tell me a story and I will listen - however fantastical... it will make 'sense' to me. I will connect to any well thought out, well formed and well told narrative. Stories have this 'soul' and I believe people can touch it. There is this thread of narrative... listeners can follow it. Listeners to a tale, will diligently follow the thread while it jumps through any hoop of imagination.

A story doesnt work - when the storyteller breaks this thread, jumps threads, doesnt tie ends neatly etc etc.

When I think of Daemon in these terms, I lost the thread towards the end. I felt the book was labouring to some sort of close. And the end is not satisifying at all - which makes sense - cos apparently Suarez is getting ready with a sequel for the book.

The other thing is that - though the book is peopled with all these wonderful interesting characters, they didnt seem true. They seemed more like mere tools... they could have been etched out better. The whole human emotion, state of mind, ebb and flow in the human interaction could have been better, I thought. Is that what makes for great literature?

Towards the end, the chapters turned out to be scenario descriptions - very interesting read of course but from my 'thread' angle, doesnt work too well.

On the whole, still a great book. People who work in the technology area will simply love it. Its so wonderful to see a writer who 'gets it'. Like I read on the net, this writer just earned himself some serious geek credits.

ringa ringa ringa .....ring!

That's my life - going in circles. The things that matter to me are spinning out of orbit. The past 4 weeks have been crazy. I am part of these somewhat high profile 'task forces' @ work. And in these TFs, I am the rookie.

Being a rookie started as an interesting thing - especially considering the last time I was a rookie was a good 10 years ago. That was a different ball game altogether and deserves a separate post.

Anyways, the current rookie-joy lasted about 2 hours into each of the TFs - till I realised how everyone wants to just 'review & manage' while there are very few who build the actual work products. We will call them work horses and I am one of them.

During an average work day, most of my 'seniors' in these TFs go from one meeting to another. For every 4 such people, only 1 contributes at a more relevant level than the other three. These people live in villas, drive nice cars, globe trot & hob nob with the CxOs of the company.

How aspirational it can be for the work horses... and so dangerously misleading too ( I am thinking ). How easily the goal can be - to just somehow get to that place where all that's needed to be done is to 'review & manage' (that too badly) and get paid for that! WTF?!

OK - enough rambling in a tune that's dangerously close to 'grapes are sour, grapes are sour'..

As for the rookie experience - its OK. Except that it's a lot of work on my plate and interesting situations. Like getting reviews done when the work is not read at all by the reviewers, differences in language use that goes into long mind-numbing debates. And getting a sense of what consensus and 'getting people on board' really mean.

Right now, I could do with a couple of extra hours in a day. Miss reading, YTubing, regular home cooked meals, 8 hour sleep cycles, mental meanderings.

Most of all I miss not being continuously connected to Y. We are off-sync right now. Sleep @ different times, go to work @ different times, lost in separate thoughts.

Like I was saying..my life's going ringa-ringa-ringa, ringa-ringa-ringa, ringa-ringa-ringa ring!

An 'aks'-ish Delhi - 6

Watched Delhi 6 during the past weekend. Came away thinking that its yet another self-indulgent movie - reminiscent of "AKS" in ways.

I came away disappointed... and will just vent away first,

- There are visual shots of Chandni Chowk that are repetitive.
- The story is such a non-starter. None of the characters are well developed. Not even that of Delhi or Chandni Chowk.
- Sticking to just one point and beating it to death is the movie's undoing. The "Kala Bandar"... It was like Rakesh Om Prakash Mehra, ( ROMP from now) wanted to make sure EVERYONE absolutely gets the point. So subtlety just went flying out of the window.
- Basically, ROMP takes his 'social voice' mantle ( given to him after RDB ) a bit too seriously. His story telling skills take a beating as a result. :(
- The movie could have as well been a play. The landscape or setting of the movie is so constrained. The characters are a little too stereotyical to work completely. Some of them at some places are endearing, no doubt. The point making too earnest.
- Rishi Kapoor is wasted. There was one hell of a great story there... in his character.


Ok..now the rah rahs.

- The cinematography is top quality.
- The background music soars. Its much better done here than in Slumdog. No doubts.
- Waheeda Rehman is a gem of a sweetheart. What a pleasure to see her work. She is so wonderful.
- It's a great concept. The "Kala bandar". Needed a riveting human story to weave it around.


The 'untouchable' angle would be unbelievable for younger city-dwellers of today I would think.

But I have seen these folks near my gran's place (old Bangalore parts) in my childhood. They were called "Vadru" and lived separately in a locality. They would come by to clean the toilets and perhaps collect garbage too ( am not sure).

And I have heard some passing comments about how someone or the other visits the "Vadru Guduslu" ( Vadru's huts ). Of course, in a dissapproving way.

So to me, the double standards around those folks is very believable. I can believe that such practises could have existed or continue to exist in old parts of Indian cities.

But overall, the movie : what a wasted opportunity. He could have scripted a great ravishing and passionate love story to Delhi. Rather than this bewilderment of a movie. I remember reading a quote of ROMP about the movie, something to the effect of, " I still dont know why I made the movie, or what moved me to make the movie".

Well, all I can say is - Yeah, it figures.

In other rooms, other wonders

I just finished reading Daniyal Mueenuddin's "In Other Rooms, Other Wonders" . After a long long time, I read a book from a sub-continent writer that was simply un-put-downable.

Before I get into other stuff ... I am wondering, is Daniyal pronounced "Daniel"?

Anyways... a simply fantastic writer. The stories are so wonderful. Like I read @ Ultra Brown - the excerpts floating around don't do justice to the actual stories or the book at all.

Whenever I think of the book, I feel I just finished watching a movie - thats how vivid the whole thing is in my mind.

Last year, I spent 10 glorious days travelling across Punjab ( the Indian side ) and loved everything about the state - the sights, the smells, flavours, tastes, the stories. And to get a glimpse of the other side of Punjab through this book - was a treat. Absolute treat.

That apart, I have been meaning to write about a couple of movies I watched recently.

Starting with Slumdog Millionnaire. First of all, I must express the absolute frustration I had trying to pick up the music CD for Y. It took me about 6 trips to the various famous music stores of Bangalore - Music Planet, Planet M, Crosswords etc - before I could pick up the CD. A good 15 days after it was officially released.

So much for muscling out small gems of Bangalore like "Rhythms" and becoming the de-facto stores for music. The staff @ the store had not even heard of the movie when I went asking for it.

As for the movie itself, most of the people around me were wondering what the fuss was about. Most people caught on to the weakness of the script pretty quickly but I dont think that was the reason for the dis-enchantment or the surprise about what made the western audience take to Slumdog Millionnaire in such a big way.

IMO, the whole thing is visual. What we saw - the face of India ( no, am not talking about the slums or the crowds or the skin color in particular ) - is familiar to us. We have seen it in many ways - in hardhitting commercial, out and out commercial and artsy movies. The face, the 'visual' of India.

It was that familiarity with the face - that made us wonder about SDM's popularity I think. Whereas, for the western audience - this was a new visual treat on their screens.

I have been thinking of a better way of expressing this - but cant come up with anything better as of now.

And by the way, Anil Kapoor has done a fantastic job in the movie..

Next is Dev D and Luck By Chance.

Luck By Chance - was nice. Not great. But nice - engaging and interesting to watch. Agree with all of the review comments - the sudden ending, etc. And Y and I came away thinking that we want to see more of Zoya's films to decide if she is as gifted or better than her brother or some of the other young turks out there. Right now, I dont think she is. The movie seems almost like "All of us have this one great movie or novel in us" kind of thing. Only, she got to make it.

Dev D - like No Smoking - makes one thing very apparent. Long shadows of all the 'famous' directors across the world looms large over Anurag Kashyap. He is still posing in some ways about statement, making a point etc. This aspect takes away from his story-telling ability, quite a bit.

Anurag Kashyap needs to become a little more invisible in his movies. That will make his movies work better. The pace of the film will become more taut. The point in the making will be much sharper. The ending would not be so abrupt.

Having said that, the film is good. Abhay Deol shines. He is fantastic. Again - having seen Punjab, I can believe that Dev D can happen in Delhi/Punjab setting.

The music - thats all the rage - is also a poser in some sense. As in - there is so much variety and hint of ability. But - none of the compositions give one a sense of depth. But still - its a great set of songs. I like them!

My father.

I never really had a relationship ( the part-grown-up to a grown-up kind) with my dad. By the time I was in my teens, late teens actually, he was quite ill. His illness pre-occupied all of us as a family. And eventually, he died. When I was about 20.

I rarely talk about him. When he was OK - I was a teen. A difficult one at that - at least by normal middle class standards. I look back and feel, I was ok. I studied hard, conformed and didnt get into any major sort of trouble.

Yeah - to get back. The oldest I was - when he was ok - was a teen. And I remember fighting and hating. I remember being strongly disapproved of, being told about how to be, behave and who to hang out with and so on.

Over the past 8 years, I have learnt to relate to my mother and have a better relationship / equation with her. It is a great gift. I still recall thinking how much I hate my mum and how much I wanted to get away from her. And those thoughts were painful to have. So what I share with my mum today is really a gift I value.

When she or I move on, the regrets perhaps will be lesser and memories of times shared together higher. Certainly when compared to what I recall of my dad.

My memories are so fragmented of him. I remember the difficulties and inconveniences of his illness clearly - in terms of feelings and thoughts. Every now and then I remember incidents - but over time, specifics are fading away a little by little.

Regrets and memories. Regrets - I am sure I have. I still havent figured it out.

Memories - yeah. I have memories of him, or rather remember him in the most unexpected ways.

Chinu's innocent, trusting eyes. One of her eyes seem smaller and she tends to lightly wink it every now and then. They are almost like a doe's or a calf's eyes. Her eyes remind me of my dad. Everytime I look into them.

Indira Gandhi - He had strong opinions about her administration. I don't recall the details. But seeing a picture of her or reading an article about her certainly reminds me of my dad and face when he would talk of her or her governement.

Bharat Sinha of a serial Subah - when I see this actor in any other film, I am reminded of my dad. He disapproved of my interest in that serial - all the drug abuse by young folks! :)

And the latest today - The Man Machine. This is an album by kraftwerks. It was a tape with a bright red jacket cover - a photo of 4 robotic looking men.

We had this small tape recorder/player. There were these few tapes at home. Silsila, Star, Zoom, Satya Shivam Sundaram, Boney M and the Man Machine. I remember these were my dad's tapes.

We had other tapes too - devotional, other movie tapes.

But I kinda remember these tapes as my dad's. Like the James Hadley Chase and Perry Mason novels he used to read. He also read Arthur Hailey, Robert Ludlum I recall.

I just heard "model", "robots", "neon lights" on YouTube. And my dad came rushing into my head.

I used to love the tape and listen to it all the time.

Like I was saying, I get this sharp and vivid memories of him in most unexpected ways. I can recall almost everything of that memory - when its triggerred.